First of all I want to offer my sincerest gratitude for all of the wisdom you share. I have been watching your channel on YouTube pretty much every day for the past few years and I have learned so much and have been able to see things through a new perspective.
I wanted to reach out to you because I genuinely feel like I need your guidance. Not just want, but need. There have been so many times when I have contemplated writing you to ask your advice about the situation with my mother, but I have had so many mixed feeling: not wanting to burden you with my issues, feeling like I should be able to deal with it on my own, feeling embarrassed, etc… but now I’m sitting in bed crying my eyes out feeling this burden so heavily on my heart with no one to turn to for the kind of guidance you can provide, so I decided to finally reach out. I know you are so busy and so many people want to speak with you, but I just needed to try, because maybe you will see this and want to offer your wisdom.
My problem is my lack of a family support system and an incredibly toxic mother. My whole life I knew that my mom was fragile and I tried to always be there to tell her she was the best mom ever and she was beautiful. She would stand in the mirror with me right there and say how ugly and fat she is while I would tell her she was not. She was always very codependent on me and my stepfather but I thought it was my responsibility to take care of her. When I moved out of their house and in with my boyfriend 11 years ago she was so horrible to me and she has gone on a major spiral downward since then. I have come to realize just how toxic and manipulative she has always been.
I’m feeling so depressed today… it’s been building and building and I’ve been trying to keep it together and just focus on the positive side of things but today I just can’t do it. I’m just so sad. I don’t have a relationship with anyone in my family anymore because I cut off contact with my parents. I didn’t even think that would be possible until I watched your videos and you gave me permission to stop letting them steal my joy and infect my life.
My mom is addicted to prescription medications and is a total mess. I have tried to help her for years until I realized it’s not my responsibility. She is also a constant victim of imaginary ailments, codependent, toxic, emotionally abusive and manipulative. I was abused by my biological father before he abandoned me at 5 years old and I can’t even tell my mom about the abuse because she always turns herself into a victim and will make me console her and tell her it’s not her fault (even though it is partially, because she chose such a horrible man to have a child with). She is so manipulative that she convinced everyone in my family that I am a horrible person for not being at her side and not being her emotional tampon and now everyone in my family has negative feelings towards me. It’s just not fair.
I know I’m not a bad person, I’m just trying to protect my sanity and happiness by not being around her but other people in my family only see the fake good side she shows them in the short bursts of time they see her. I’m the only one that had to live with her everyday and deal with the real her. I am now 15 weeks pregnant with my first baby and so in love with my husband and I want to share my joy with my family but I can’t. I think they are also jealous of the lifestyle my husband and I enjoy and can’t just be happy for us. This is just heartbreaking. I feel like the black sheep of the family because I decided not to take abuse, which is crazy.
Please let me know if it would be possible to speak with you.
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