“HELP! I’m A Lazy Wife Who’s Avoiding My Kids!” Freedomain Call In

Hi Stefan,

I’m a stay-at-home-mom with two little boys and a girl on the way. I’ve been married to my husband for over ten years and we’ve been together for over twelve years. I’ve been a homemaker for over three years now. I was able to quit my full time desk job when my oldest boy was two years old after my husband started making really good money as a salesman.

The reason I’m contacting you is because I’m struggling pretty badly with my not-so-new position as a homemaker. I know it probably has a lot to do with my mother in some way because of how she raised me and my sisters, but I can’t figure out why I’m so lazy, why I don’t take advantage of my perfect circumstances, and why I feel that I have no connection to my kids.

I’m so frustrated with myself in general. I can’t seem to keep my house even presentable for unexpected guests, I’m supposed to be homeschooling my six-year-old but on most days I struggle to get anything done with him regarding school work, and this third pregnancy has me very hormonal and hyper-sensitive. Anything and everything overwhelms me, and I feel like no matter how hard I try, I will never be an even half-way decent mother or homemaker.

We have three dogs that I feel like I can’t even handle, one that’s still got a puppy bladder and I can barely keep up with the messes he makes every night while we’re all asleep. And one that barks incessantly and I wish I could get rid of but can’t because it was break my oldest son’s heart.

Sometimes I feel like I won’t be able to handle being a mom of three. I can’t even handle being a mom of two with dogs and a house to take care of, which I don’t even take care of. I’m lazy, self absorbed, and failing miserably at doing what I feel most homemakers probably love doing: taking care of their kids, cooking delicious, healthy meals, educating their children, and keeping a comfortable, clean house. I long to be this kind of woman, but most days I feel like it’s as unattainable as being a supermodel. I fantasize about my home being spotless, well-organized, about homeschooling my kids in a perfect little schoolroom, about taking care of my family, but it’s just that: a dream. One that on some days I’m able to achieve a tiny little part of, but on most, I’m just an anxious, neurotic, lazy mess.

I just want to be a good mom for my kids and a good homemaker and I don’t understand why I can’t even though I desperately want to. Please help me talk through my issues so I can resolve this and start being the mother my kids deserve.

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